If this is your first read…you might want to check out my About page first to get some context of why I am writing all this…
…If you’ve been here before, welcome back!
So let’s get caught up. A lot has happened since my last post back in 2015–let’s see if we can figure out how my reset is coming…
If you have found the previous blog entries, then you know that back in 2013 and 2014, I spent a considerable amount of time trying to figure out what was next for me. At the time I had become a father of twins and forced into a career shift–and as so often happens with life changing events–my life changed! However, as you probably know, life change is rarely linear. You zig and zag trying to figure where the tornado just dropped you. My experiences over the past few years followed that same pattern.
As a result of the job status change, (i.e. unexpected unemployment), I was able to spend much more time at home participating in the household and parenting duties. This was a good thing. In the same way, I was also able to spend a ton of time studying for the various certifications I have always wanted to get. To be honest, I really had no clue what the hell I was doing. So…I stopped and prioritized–even made a plan. It took a solid eight weeks of study for six to eight hours per day, but I passed my PMP. On to the interesting and exciting technology certification stuff!!…Right?
It’s Fall of 2013 when an opportunity to become a technical instructor finds me. I knew instantly that if I could get this trainer certification, I could easily become a certified instructor in other areas and with other vendors…and I jumped in the deep end with full support from my wife. I joined the program and learn everything I needed to know to be come a Juniper certified instructor–let’s go take the exam!
In February 2014 I fly into Sunnyvale, and spend the day with two other instructor candidates demonstrating my teaching skills to Juniper. To be honest, I did not hit any home runs, but I did not do poorly either. I knew my stuff, my style was the problem. Alas, it was not to be. No Juniper teaching cert. What now…?
Still not being sure what I am supposed to do, I go back to the certification study path–this time Microsoft. By now, all of my previous certifications had expired (MCP, MCSE, CCNA, Checkpoint firewall certified and a few others). To regain my expired MSCE, I need to take five exams. Short version–I passed #1 and #2–failed #3. And not just failed–crashed and burned…failed again…me, the guy who over prepares, just failed another technical exam…What is going on!?!?!
So, here we are, about a year after losing my old position, Summer of 2014..and I am in, what I knew at the time was an extended shame spiral. Was I depressed? Oh yea! I can’t keep a job, I can’t pass a test, I’m a bad engineer, I’m not a good teacher, I suck at providing for my family, I’m not a good spouse and I have no clue what I am supposed to be doing…you see where this is going…the problem is, how do you stop to negative self talk?
The thing to also keep in mind is that through all of this I am applying for jobs like crazy. Trying to put myself out there, getting calls from recruiters, but I am not quite what they need. More negative hits–these coming from people I don’t even know! That all said, there are good things happening in my life too. The twins are a year old, I’ve been able to extend the savings account to last much longer than expected and my wife is still doing great in her job–so we still had health insurance and a good roof over our heads It’s hard to put in terms how when difficult times come, you really begin to examine who you are, choices you have made…I’ve got to change my outlook.
Out of the blue, the training center I had been working with earlier in the year called me to come in and talk—they need some one they trust to run their IT department….and I am their guy. Even though they witnessed the Juniper teaching failure from the front row, they want to hire me! It’s not greatest job in the world–but it is a job–and I know I can do it well. So I join their staff–not as an instructor, but as an IT worker (technically IT manager, but we all wear multiple hats, right?) To be face to face with my teaching certification failure on a daily basis–this is something of a humility hit. However, I have a job to do. The other IT guys and I start looking to improve systems and processes. As things start getting better, I am reminded that I am actually good at technology. Passing exams or not, I know how to run a network, I know how to plan and implement technology change responsibly and I know how to deliver good service.
Considering this time period now, it’s clear that I learned more than I realized about humility. I was not the guy in charge–in fact everyone around me knew a hell of a lot more technology and how to run the company than I did. When I took that job, I sensed it was a transitional position, a stepping stone–but I did not know what the next step was. I needed time to reassess. I still had not fully processed my failure at Juniper or with the MCSE–let alone why I really was let go from a 17+ year career with the same organization. So, with a steady (albeit small) paycheck in my hands…I dropped out of the job search game for a while to consider my options and the changes in my life–maybe even learn about something other than technology.
About six months in as their IT manager (in early 2015) I finally had the strength and courage back in my heart to put my foot into the job search waters…As I began this new job search, I had identified two possible outcomes–either become a technical guy or become a manager. Now that my head had cleared a bit, I understood that my technical skill set was not where it needed to be if I am going to make comparable money as a technician/engineer (previously, I was a senior manager). The problem here is that, I have not managed an organization that has a high percentage of their compute services provided by a hosting partner or cloud service–which it seemed was the requirement for all the IT manager positions out there. I might need to restart my career–take a middle position and work my way back to where I want it to be. Then, one day, six months after my new job search started, I got a call from a recruiter looking for a technical project manager–and everything changed…
Specifically, they were looking for an infrastructure project manager. Wow! I never knew jobs like this existed–to say this position was perfect for me was an understatement. For my part, I was excited–and scared to death! To my amazement–I knew what I was doing almost from day one. It wasn’t always perfect and I made more than my share of mistakes, but I had a great director who was encouraging and protective and I had some great co-workers…
During my first couple of months, one of my co-workers, Lisa–took me under her wing. She was a very professional and experienced project manager who did infrastructure project management work for a living. She had been with the company for too long and her feet were itching and to look for something different. In retrospect, I see that that Lisa was preparing me to fill-in her shoes. In the process, she became somewhat of a mentor for me. She helped me to understand and navigate this new world that we are all entering where data centers are moving to hosted/cloud-based service providers.
Finally, I understood the wave that I was riding. Times have changed. IT has grown up in the past decade and outsourcing has come to the industry in full force. I was beginning to understand and embrace this change–and my roll in it.
So here is the punch-line, message, moral of the story…hang in there and be open to change. Yea, I know sort of anti-climatic for such a long blog post. For me, this is where the old chapter ends, and the new begins. Richard Rohr says we have two halves of life….first we learn how to live, then we learn about life (my words, not his). You’ll hear more about him later in other posts. For me, it was while I was the IT Manager at the training center that I began to realize it was time for me to put down my toys and begin to make the world a better place. The best way I can do this is to help others in the process of change–in the process of getting caught in the undertow of this wave of change in technology.
This blog will work to help others with two things:
- How to work through this technology cultural wave (outsourcing IT)
- Sharing what I have learned with other project managers who are being asked to do the impossible–move applications, servers and data centers to remote locations that they may never step foot into.
So that is my mission…we’ll see how diligent I can be. I’d love to build a small community around these posts and generate some positivity for those who participate–regardless of the form of participation. So, if you feel moved, please leave comments, questions, encouragement, advice. In return, if I have something to offer, I will pass it along.
Reset to Factory Default 